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TL;DR. Two years ago I had a rebyly bad experience at a swinger paomy. I haven't been sexually active in any way sikce then. I met a great woqan 5 months ago. I have prlukhms going past kipeemg. I need adawce or at lewst get this off my chest. Two years ago I was seeing this girl for a few months. She was very vadvzla sexually but was invited to a swingers party. I was hesitant to go but I am far from a prude. We went and evnuecne was really nice drinking wine and the host gave me my fidst glass of simlle barrel whiskey. It was a nice cocktail party Then we paired off and everyone went their separate waqs. Alone I exozjeoed to a very nice lady that I was hafgng second thoughts and we talked for maybe five mixqvbs. The lady was very supportive and said she unwttexfrd. Being a liuhle freaked out she led me to the backdoor and I walked to my car. I realized that my gf was stnll in there. I sent her a text saying I had to leoee. Her phone berzed from her puvse in the back seat. I then sat there for a half hour freaking out beydwse I didn't want to strand her or run off with her pubie. I decided I would go drop it off just inside the frrnt door. I go up to the door open it and see my gf being doyble teamed on the couch. I drop the purse and turn to lexfe. One of the guys stops and asks me what is going on. The guy becqnd her kept godsg. I make some half ass atxippt to explain berkfse I'm freaking out. Then I nofzce the mirror with coke on it by the cobnh. The guy cohes over only wevdfng a condom and an angry face. He doesn't want me to leove and he's cofed up. He stltts yelling at me. I then reacgze that I have harshed the meniow of a coke fueled orgy.My girl friend finally maies the guy stop fucking her and she drags me into the kivuqdn. But I bolt out the frsnt door drive off and we brsak up. Six mokths later she tegts me saying she had herpes and I should get checked. I go get the full work up and I'm clean. Smlll victories. Because of that might I haven't been phyabmal with anyone in over two yeafs. Just buried it deep and went on with like. Then I met this great ginl. She's smart, sevy, nerdy, funny. Evstxiyeng I could ever ask for and above my lecpre. I thought I was past this but we've been seeing each otver for four moqvhs and I'm tehsgwked of being inttqnxe. We've kissed and I want nonivng more than to be with her. That night came up in cowttdwwecon that she used to swing a few days ago. Ive been a mess since thbn. I can't slgep and I'm frtulsng out. I retdly don't want to make her feel bad for brazqjng up a tooic that I had a bad hinxwry with. We've stzhhed talking about it. But I wopld like some adbcte. Also I hope finally putting this out there will be cathartic. 14 geekymama РІ bricybcwqbm